Mittens Romney arrived in a 4 x 4
NOT a Presidential Limo,
but he did ride inside
the vehicle,
not
atop.
President Obama greeted his former opponent
by singing a few tunes, including his complete version of
Al Green's
"I'm So In Love With You"
Unabashed Left has obtained a transcript of the entire post-election lunch conversation which took place this
week between President Barack Obama and his vanquished, egotistical,
narcissistic failed former rival, Mitt Romney (thank you Jimmy Carter IV).
Contrary to published reports the
luncheon menu was far different than identified by the mainstream media. The
President enjoyed a shrimp cocktail appetizer, followed by twin 2 ½ pound stuffed and broiled lobsters, baked potatoes
smothered in a sour cream and vegetable sauce, asparagus with hollandaise
sauce, and a rich fresh and hot nutmeg crumble apple pie topped with vanilla
ice cream for dessert. Recognizing the Hostess company bankruptcy and
displacing 18,000 workers this week in a similar manner to the procedures of
Bain Capital, Mr. Romney’s White House lunch consisted of a glass of water, a
slice of Wonder Bread and a Twinkie for dessert.
Mr. Romney arrived INSIDE a 4 x 4
with no Secret Service protection, and was whisked in a back door where a
photographer sneaked a photo which made it appear as though he was a
well-dressed intruder on the White House grounds (again, thank you Jimmy Carter
IV).
They met and dined in the Oval
Office and after shaking (Mr. Romney was the one shaking) and then shaking
hands, their comments included the following:
President Obama: Hi Mitt. How you
doing? Been awhile…. I’ve been doing GREAT!
Romney: I’m ok.
President Obama: Just ok? Is
something bothering you?
Romney: YEAH! Don’t you think I’d
be just a bit pissed after November 6th?
President Obama: Sorry dude, one
of us had to win. And remember after the second debate you said to me ‘May the
better man win?” You DID get what you asked for.
Romney: Get outa here with that!
President Obama: How’s Ann?
Romney: Pissed off.
President Obama: And why is that,
Mitt?
Romney: Because I lost. She’s
blaming ME, of all things!
President Obama: What a crazy
woman! Why on earth would she blame you for losing your election?
Romney: Ah! She says that with
all the money poured in by the superpacs because of the Citizens United
decision we bought, Karl Rove’s help, and the money and time she and I sunk into
an EIGHT year campaign, the only explanation for me losing is that I have no
personality, no principles and no scruples.
President Obama: Hmmmm… It seems
like Ann has learned some profound lessons from the election, there, Mitt.
Romney: She says she’d divorce me
now, except she doesn’t want to give up the quarter billion.
President Obama: Awwww. Michelle’s
fine, thanks for asking Mitt. That’s you, always concerned about others. In
fact, Michelle and I are VERY happy. We had a blast the night of the election,
stayed up till 3am dancing to Al Green tunes!
Al Green at the Apollo:
"Let's Stay Together!"
Romney: It’s going to be a long
time before Ann’s going to even want to be seen in public with me.
President Obama: Awwwww again.
Listen, I have some presents for you which should cheer you up. Here’s a bumper
sticker from the campaign: it’s one of those Obama/Made in the USA with my
long-form birth certificates on it. And here’s a framed picture of Joe, Jill,
Michelle and myself the night of my victory speech. And I also have for you an
exclusive limited edition Presidential Seal Inauguration 2012 china plate for
you, Mitt. By the way, how’s that Wonder Bread? Does it taste like it used to?
Better enjoy it now, because Hostess is shutting down their shops and closing
the doors on their workers. Sound familiar, Mitt?
Romney: I’m really kind of
hungry. Do you think I can have one of those lobster tails at least, guy?
President Obama: No WAY! Eat your
Twinkie! If you behave, I’ll have them grab you another Twinkie. BTW, how’s
your dog. I hope you didn’t try to bring her onto the White House grounds
riding on top of your 4 x 4. You’d have been nailed and broken out in handcuffs
for sure.
Romney: She’s fine. I’m never
going to take a dog on vacation with me AGAIN! Wow do people make a big deal
out of stuff.
President Obama: I suppose if you
crated me on top of a car and drove me at 80mph from Boston to Canada, with one
stop to wipe the diarrhea off the car I spewed because I was so terrified, I’d
make a big deal out of it too. Whenever anybody says ‘big deal’ now, I always
think of that precious open mike moment when we were celebrating the passage of
the Health Care Law and Joe said “This is a big f*cking deal, Mr. President!”
That sure was funny, Mitt! So no ‘repeal and replace’ is going to happen now,
huh Mitt?
Romney: I guess not. I suppose
Paul Ryan will keep preaching that. One good thing about this campaign ending
and losing is that I don’t have to hang around that nudnik anymore. WHAT a
loser!
President Obama: Yeah. I heard
that he was calling you names on his campaign bus, and would try to avoid your
calls during the home stretch. Can’t say that I blame him, especially after
Jimmy Carter’s grandson managed to get ahold of your famous 47% speech! LOL!
Romney: I wish that whole Carter
family would just DISAPPEAR! I’m sick and tired of him. I’ll tell you what; I
think I might be more pissed at that dude—the original Jimmy Carter—than even
you or Newt Gingrich!
Motley Crew!
President Obama: Yeah, Newt did
everything he could to try and sidetrack you. Hahaha! Your primary was a blast!
I enjoyed every bit of it. Herman “999” Cain taking the lead over you! Donald “You’re
fired” Trump leading you in the polls! Michelle “Twisted as a pretzel” Bachmann
taking the early lead before Iowa! Rick “No sex” Santorum racking up primary
victories! Rick Perry surging ahead in the polls and entering then exiting
after proving his stupidity when he couldn’t remember the cabinet departments
he wanted to wipe out! Yeah, you also ran a heck of a primary campaign too
there, Mitt! LMAO. It sure was fun to watch two dozen debates on your side with
a dozen folks all jockeying for position! I bet you had fun in the primary,
too!
Romney: (inaudible, sounds like
grunting). Hey, man, do you think I can get that other Twinkie now? And what
about a glass of water?
President Obama: Sure. The
Twinkie will be $1.00 and so will a bottle of water. So that’s $2.00 please.
Romney: WHAT DO YOU MEAN TWO
DOLLARS!!?? I don’t carry cash or cards. C’mon, I’m thirsty as all heck from
that bread and hungry as heck now.
President Obama: Well, Mitt, the
Poland Springs water and that there Twinkie you want are owned by the White
House, a federally owned and administered national landmark, and I know you wouldn’t
want a free government handout! That’s for sure, right?
Romney: Can you just bill me for
them??
President Obama: (wiping his chin
as he swallows his last bite of apple crumb pie) Do you have an account with
us, Mitt?
Romney: I think that’s enough
lunch for me. I’m getting outa here. Is there a quick take out joint around
here, I need something fast!
President Obama: (Hollers out)
HEY JOE! ARE YOU AROUND?? (Picks up phone and presses button) Hey, is Joe
nearby the Oval office? Great, send him over right away, Mitt’s here and needs
some advice from Joe.
Vice President Joe Biden: Hey
Mitt, how goes it dude?
Romney: Ask that guy (pointing at
President Obama)! He can fill you in. Do you know a decent take out joint
around here? All he gave me for lunch was a piece of Wonder Bread and a
Twinkie.
Vice President Biden: He GAVE you
the bread and the Twinkie? Isn’t that welfare, dude? ROFLMFAO!!!
Romney: Give me a break!!!
Vice President Biden: Well, if
you head out Pennsylvania Avenue, just stay on it and eventually you’ll see a
McDonald’s. They’re everywhere. I recommend the double quarter pounder with
cheese, large fries and chocolate shakes!
Romney: Ok. I’m outa here.
Vice President Biden and
President Obama: Good!
President Obama: Listen, Mitt.
After all you’ve done to me and my administration for the last 6 years; I just
am really concerned about your health and want to offer you a bit of health
advice.
Romney: What’s that?
President Obama: Take a hike!
No comments:
Post a Comment