Mission:1)Advance the principle that Pacifism, Liberalism, Environmentalism, + membership in the Democratic Party are not sins nor of which one need be ashamed. 2)Move us in the direction of a political culture which would enable public persons to proudly proclaim their leftist tendencies, just as those on the right may do at present.
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Hi again
everybody. It’s me again. Lisa! Guess what? You’ll NEVER guess what this time! Ha-ha!
I asked Uncle UL to do me a BIG favor—and he did it!!
You see, I’m
just plain sick and tired of the way everybody in the government thinks they
have the right answer for the economy, but they don’t know anything about the
economy. I told Uncle UL “All the members of Congress are lawyers, for crying out
loud. They may know about law, but what the heck do they know about the
economy? Cheeeze!” Uncle UL said I was right, and asked what I wanted.
And boy did
I tell Uncle UL what I wanted! I said I wanted a conference on the economy. I
said I wanted two Congress people (Congressman Bunk and Speaker DeLay), an
economist, two CEO’s (one from a big oil company, the other
from a big defense contractor), my friends Sharon, Malina, Juanita and their
folks. I told Uncle UL I wanted to run the conference and that I wanted media
there. Uncle UL said that this was quite an order, but I gave him my special
Uncle UL eyes, batted them a few times for him and he said he’d get right to
work on it.
So two
weeks later there Uncle UL and I were, in Washington once again, strolling up
the Capitol steps. While I waited outside in the lobby, Uncle UL went inside a
conference room to check it out. He came out a few minutes later and said
everybody was there, so he took me by the hand walked me in, and introduced me
saying “Here she is, the one, the only—LISA!!” Everybody applauded, and I
thought that was a nice touch. Lol.
So I
started by saying “Ok. This conference is about the economy. Let me start with
a few questions for Congressman Bunk. Congressman Bunk, how many federal
budgets have you succeeded in passing the last, oh, let’s say, 4 years?”
Congressman
Bunk: “Well, let me rephrase your question, Lisa.”
Lisa: “Well,
let’s not let you rephrase my question Congressman. A number between zero and
four. Exactly how many federal budgets have you succeeded in passing in the
last 4 years sir?!”
Congressman
Bunk: “Well… The White House…”
Lisa: “Stop
it right there Congressman. EXACTLY how many federal budgets; zero, one, two,
three, or four; have YOU succeeded in making law in the past 4 years???”
Congressman
Bunk: [inaudible]
Lisa: “I’m
sorry Congressman Bunk; I don’t think anybody heard you or that the microphones
picked that up. Could you repeat how many budgets you’ve made law in the past 4
years?”
Congressman
Bunk: “None.”
Lisa: “I’m
sorry sir, was that ‘none’ as in zero, nada, squat, nuncamente?”
Congressman
Bunk: “Yes, ZERO!”
Lisa: “What
were you before you became a politician, Congressman Bunk?”
Congressman
Bunk: “An attorney at law.”
Lisa: “A
lawyer?”
Congressman
Bunk: “Yes.”
Lisa: “Hmmmm.
Do you have any background in economics? Any degree from a college?”
Congressman
Bunk: “No, no degree.”
Lisa: “Would
you say you were born into a poor family, a middle class family, an upper
middle class family, or a rich family?”
Congressman
Bunk: “Well, I suppose you could say we were well-off.”
Lisa: “Ok,
let me ask a few questions for economist Tim. Hi Tim, how are you today?”
Tim: “I’m
fine, you Lisa?”
Lisa: “Just
plain dandy. Now it says here that you have a doctorate in economics, and held
a high level cabinet position during a Presidential Administration when we weren’t
at war and the economy was doing great. Is that true?”
Tim: “Well,
yes it is.”
Lisa: “What
do you think of the fact that Congress is mostly lawyers and that they are
constantly stopping budgets from passing, or creating one deadline after
another threatening to shut down the government or cut it willy-nilly?”
Tim: “Well
I think it just might be a good thing for a few trained economists to be
sitting in both houses, yes, that would be very good. And these constant
artificial roadblocks will eventually do REAL damage to the economy even more
than we’ve seen already. Part of the reason we don’t have full employment is
Congress, if they’d stop obstructing in this way and scaring every market from
consumers to the stock market, then the economy would be humming along much
better.”
Lisa: “Thanks
Tim. Hi Sharon!”
Sharon: “Hi
Lisa. Pretty impressive, this conference you have going here.”
Lisa: “Teehehe.
Thanks. Would you say your family is rich?”
Sharon: “Well…
No, not really. Mom’s been laid off from her job a long time now, and so we
only have my Dad’s check and his hours have been cut back so that we don’t have
health insurance, and he doesn’t even get vacations anymore. Mom says we might
have to move soon. That scares me, because we’ve always lived there.”
Lisa: “Wow.
I’m so sorry Sharon. Hi Juanita! Let me ask you the same thing, is your family
rich, or not?
Juanita: “Well,
my Mom always says we are because we all love each other and have each other
and God. I agree. But as far as money goes, Mom has to take care of all 4 of us
alone and there are no jobs for her. If it weren’t for the fact that we get to live
in a supported house and get help with food and stuff I don’t know where we’d
be. On the streets I guess.”
Lisa: “Wow.
Oh my God, Juanita! What about you Malina? How’s your family doing?”
Malina: “Pretty
much like Karen’s and Juanita’s. From week to week it seem really iffy is the
best way to put it. I worry about my little brothers a lot, and so does my Mom,
I know. I can hear her tossing and turning at night, even at 4 in the morning!”
Lisa: “Wow!
It says here that the Oil Company CEO is here and his name is Thomas Killjoy.
Here is my first question for you, Mr. Killjoy: How much did you get paid
altogether by your Oil Company last year?”
Killjoy: “Well,
Lisa, things like that aren’t that simple to state…”
Lisa: “Give
me a break. I don’t have time for stonewalling. Did you get paid more or less
than $10 million?
Killjoy: “Well…
more.”
Lisa: “How
much profit did your company make last year?”
Killjoy: “Let’s
just say billions. I get your point.”
Lisa: “How
presumptuous of you MISTER Killjoy! How much oil did your company dump into the
oceans altogether last year from pipes, tankers and refineries?”
Killjoy: “Well,
I’m not sure.”
Lisa: “How
much have you paid to clean up that spilled oil and fix the damage altogether?”
Killjoy: “Again,
Lisa, I’m just not sure.”
Lisa: [looks
up to the sky and asks rhetorically] “How is this guy worth $10 million?” “Mister
Killjoy, do you know how much the guy who sweeps your office makes?”
Killjoy: “No,
I’m sorry, I don’t.”
Lisa “Well,
I called and asked him. He just got cut from full to part time, no longer gets
benefits and makes minimum wage. Just ONE PERCENT of what you’re raking in, and
he could answer every one of my questions and you can’t! Enough of you! Mister
Defense Contractor, it says here your name is Stephen Demolishus. Mister
Demolishus, you’ve been arguing that cuts in social programs are ok, but that
we NEED to keep spending trillions on defense so we can protect ourselves from
people who are all the way across the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans. Is that
true?”
Demolishus:
“Well, I wouldn’t put it quite that way, but yes.”
Lisa: “When
was the last war fought by us in North America?”
Demolishus:
“I suppose you’d say the Civil War.”
Lisa: “And
who fought in that war and how many years ago was that?”
Demolishus:
“It was the north against the south and it happened about 150 years ago.
Lisa: “So
it was Americans against Americans, no outside threat and there has been no war
HERE in all that time?”
Demolishus:
“Well… I suppose not, if you put it that way.”
Lisa: “And
how much did your company pay you last year MISTER Demolishus?”
Demolishus:
“I’m not at liberty to disclose my pay, Lisa. Some components of it are
classified.”
Lisa: “I
bet they are. Is it safe to say you got more than $10 million like the oil
baron over there?”
Demolishus:
“I guess you’d be safe in saying that. Yes.”
Lisa: “Would
either you or Mister Killjoy care to share your wealth with my friends’
families? Will you donate enough money to keep them in their homes until all
the kids are grown?”
Demolishus
and Killjoy: “Well, um…er.. excuse me..um er…” Lisa: "Would either or both of you EVEN be willing to let your taxes go up a smidgen so my friends and I can have food and a place to live?" Demolishus: Well, raising taxes is a tricky matter, you see Lisa, it would damage the economy in the long run. Lisa: "Yah right! You want the programs that feed and house my friends and me cut, and your own huge income protected from taxes to help us out! While ALL your money comes from government contracts. YOU, sir, are a sick joke."
Lisa: “Let’s
go back to Tim for a minute. Tim, when people are out of work what is the best
way to put them back to work?”
Tim: “To
create jobs, and to put money into the hands of the people who need it most and
will spend it, thus creating demand for goods and services in the
economy-creating more jobs.”
Lisa: “So
the government should spend MORE to help families like Sharon’s, Juanita’s and
Molina’s. When people are out of work, should the government borrow money in
order to make sure people can get jobs, food, shelter and clothing?”
Tim: “Absolutely
the government should do that, but we could find cost savings elsewhere, for
example by cutting the Defense budget now that the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan
are pretty much done and that is the biggest part of the budget. We could
balance the budget easily by getting money into poor peoples’ hands, putting
people to work and slashing the Defense budget within 4 to 6 years and NO
austerity measures such as has created the ongoing recession in Europe and the
political riots in Greece and Spain would be necessary at all.”
Lisa: “Speaker
DeLay, what did YOU do before becoming a professional politician.”
DeLay: “I
was a lawyer.”
Lisa: “Do
you have any training in economics at all?”
DeLay: “No,
not really.”
Lisa: “But
you know all about politics.”
DeLay: “Well…
yes.”
Lisa: “You
know, since you’ve been speaker Congress has passed fewer laws than any time in
American history, and that even includes ceremonial laws like naming buildings.
Did you know that Mr. DeLay?”
DeLay: “Well…
yes.”
Lisa: “And
each time you guys come up with another dramatic financial deadline with a
horror movie sounding name like ‘Cliff’ or ‘Sequester’ that it clogs up the
works in Congress again and prevents work on real legislation? Did you know
that?
DeLay: “Well...
sorta… yes.”
Lisa: “And
of course you know that when you call a vacation no bills can be passed. So I
think that as long as the President is from another political Party, you are
going to gum up the works in Congress on purpose whether it hurts real people
like my friends Molina, Sharon, Juanita and me! Your only goal as Speaker and
your majority is to PREVENT laws from passing until you can beat the other
party eventually for the Presidency. I know that you don’t know about
economics, don’t care about economics, you only care about politics and helping
out the uber rich folks that you’ve come to hang with. YOU, sir, are a
remarkably orange-colored BUM!
I’m done! I’ve
had enough of this conference. Come on Uncle UL and all my friends, you
Congressmen and CEO’s can sit here and answer questions from the press now. I’m
fed up with you guys!"
And me and Uncle UL
And Juanita, Sharon, Malina
And their families
We hugged and hugged.
The end once again.
But just for now.
Promise. And don't forget to donate to my favorite cause, the Louisiana Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals: la-spca.org
