MY ECONOMY STORY

Don't stand in the hall,

Don't block up the road...

For the times they are 'a changin'

Hi again everybody. It’s me again. Lisa! Guess what? You’ll NEVER guess what this time! Ha-ha! I asked Uncle UL to do me a BIG favor—and he did it!!

You see, I’m just plain sick and tired of the way everybody in the government thinks they have the right answer for the economy, but they don’t know anything about the economy. I told Uncle UL “All the members of Congress are lawyers, for crying out loud. They may know about law, but what the heck do they know about the economy? Cheeeze!” Uncle UL said I was right, and asked what I wanted.

And boy did I tell Uncle UL what I wanted! I said I wanted a conference on the economy. I said I wanted two Congress people (Congressman Bunk and Speaker DeLay), an economist, two CEO’s (one from a big oil company, the other from a big defense contractor), my friends Sharon, Malina, Juanita and their folks. I told Uncle UL I wanted to run the conference and that I wanted media there. Uncle UL said that this was quite an order, but I gave him my special Uncle UL eyes, batted them a few times for him and he said he’d get right to work on it.

So two weeks later there Uncle UL and I were, in Washington once again, strolling up the Capitol steps. While I waited outside in the lobby, Uncle UL went inside a conference room to check it out. He came out a few minutes later and said everybody was there, so he took me by the hand walked me in, and introduced me saying “Here she is, the one, the only—LISA!!” Everybody applauded, and I thought that was a nice touch. Lol.

So I started by saying “Ok. This conference is about the economy. Let me start with a few questions for Congressman Bunk. Congressman Bunk, how many federal budgets have you succeeded in passing the last, oh, let’s say, 4 years?”

Congressman Bunk: “Well, let me rephrase your question, Lisa.”

Lisa: “Well, let’s not let you rephrase my question Congressman. A number between zero and four. Exactly how many federal budgets have you succeeded in passing in the last 4 years sir?!”

Congressman Bunk: “Well… The White House…”

Lisa: “Stop it right there Congressman. EXACTLY how many federal budgets; zero, one, two, three, or four; have YOU succeeded in making law in the past 4 years???”

Congressman Bunk: [inaudible]

Lisa: “I’m sorry Congressman Bunk; I don’t think anybody heard you or that the microphones picked that up. Could you repeat how many budgets you’ve made law in the past 4 years?”

Congressman Bunk: “None.”

Lisa: “I’m sorry sir, was that ‘none’ as in zero, nada, squat, nuncamente?”

Congressman Bunk: “Yes, ZERO!”

Lisa: “What were you before you became a politician, Congressman Bunk?”

Congressman Bunk: “An attorney at law.”

Lisa: “A lawyer?”

Congressman Bunk: “Yes.”

Lisa: “Hmmmm. Do you have any background in economics? Any degree from a college?”

Congressman Bunk: “No, no degree.”

Lisa: “Would you say you were born into a poor family, a middle class family, an upper middle class family, or a rich family?”

Congressman Bunk: “Well, I suppose you could say we were well-off.”

Lisa: “Ok, let me ask a few questions for economist Tim. Hi Tim, how are you today?”

Tim: “I’m fine, you Lisa?”

Lisa: “Just plain dandy. Now it says here that you have a doctorate in economics, and held a high level cabinet position during a Presidential Administration when we weren’t at war and the economy was doing great. Is that true?”

Tim: “Well, yes it is.”

Lisa: “What do you think of the fact that Congress is mostly lawyers and that they are constantly stopping budgets from passing, or creating one deadline after another threatening to shut down the government or cut it willy-nilly?”

Tim: “Well I think it just might be a good thing for a few trained economists to be sitting in both houses, yes, that would be very good. And these constant artificial roadblocks will eventually do REAL damage to the economy even more than we’ve seen already. Part of the reason we don’t have full employment is Congress, if they’d stop obstructing in this way and scaring every market from consumers to the stock market, then the economy would be humming along much better.”

Lisa: “Thanks Tim. Hi Sharon!”

Sharon: “Hi Lisa. Pretty impressive, this conference you have going here.”

Lisa: “Teehehe. Thanks. Would you say your family is rich?”

Sharon: “Well… No, not really. Mom’s been laid off from her job a long time now, and so we only have my Dad’s check and his hours have been cut back so that we don’t have health insurance, and he doesn’t even get vacations anymore. Mom says we might have to move soon. That scares me, because we’ve always lived there.”

Lisa: “Wow. I’m so sorry Sharon. Hi Juanita! Let me ask you the same thing, is your family rich, or not?

Juanita: “Well, my Mom always says we are because we all love each other and have each other and God. I agree. But as far as money goes, Mom has to take care of all 4 of us alone and there are no jobs for her. If it weren’t for the fact that we get to live in a supported house and get help with food and stuff I don’t know where we’d be. On the streets I guess.”

Lisa: “Wow. Oh my God, Juanita! What about you Malina? How’s your family doing?”

Malina: “Pretty much like Karen’s and Juanita’s. From week to week it seem really iffy is the best way to put it. I worry about my little brothers a lot, and so does my Mom, I know. I can hear her tossing and turning at night, even at 4 in the morning!”

Lisa: “Wow! It says here that the Oil Company CEO is here and his name is Thomas Killjoy. Here is my first question for you, Mr. Killjoy: How much did you get paid altogether by your Oil Company last year?”

Killjoy: “Well, Lisa, things like that aren’t that simple to state…”

Lisa: “Give me a break. I don’t have time for stonewalling. Did you get paid more or less than $10 million?

Killjoy: “Well… more.”

Lisa: “How much profit did your company make last year?”

Killjoy: “Let’s just say billions. I get your point.”

Lisa: “How presumptuous of you MISTER Killjoy! How much oil did your company dump into the oceans altogether last year from pipes, tankers and refineries?”

Killjoy: “Well, I’m not sure.”

Lisa: “How much have you paid to clean up that spilled oil and fix the damage altogether?”

Killjoy: “Again, Lisa, I’m just not sure.”

Lisa: [looks up to the sky and asks rhetorically] “How is this guy worth $10 million?” “Mister Killjoy, do you know how much the guy who sweeps your office makes?”

Killjoy: “No, I’m sorry, I don’t.”

Lisa “Well, I called and asked him. He just got cut from full to part time, no longer gets benefits and makes minimum wage. Just ONE PERCENT of what you’re raking in, and he could answer every one of my questions and you can’t! Enough of you! Mister Defense Contractor, it says here your name is Stephen Demolishus. Mister Demolishus, you’ve been arguing that cuts in social programs are ok, but that we NEED to keep spending trillions on defense so we can protect ourselves from people who are all the way across the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans. Is that true?”

Demolishus: “Well, I wouldn’t put it quite that way, but yes.”

Lisa: “When was the last war fought by us in North America?”

Demolishus: “I suppose you’d say the Civil War.”

Lisa: “And who fought in that war and how many years ago was that?”

Demolishus: “It was the north against the south and it happened about 150 years ago.

Lisa: “So it was Americans against Americans, no outside threat and there has been no war HERE in all that time?”

Demolishus: “Well… I suppose not, if you put it that way.”

Lisa: “And how much did your company pay you last year MISTER Demolishus?”

Demolishus: “I’m not at liberty to disclose my pay, Lisa. Some components of it are classified.”

Lisa: “I bet they are. Is it safe to say you got more than $10 million like the oil baron over there?”

Demolishus: “I guess you’d be safe in saying that. Yes.”

Lisa: “Would either you or Mister Killjoy care to share your wealth with my friends’ families? Will you donate enough money to keep them in their homes until all the kids are grown?”

Demolishus and Killjoy: “Well, um…er.. excuse me..um er…”
Lisa: "Would either or both of you EVEN be willing to let your taxes go up a smidgen so my friends and I can have food and a place to live?"
Demolishus: Well, raising taxes is a tricky matter, you see Lisa, it would damage the economy in the long run.
Lisa: "Yah right! You want the programs that feed and house my friends and me cut, and your own huge income protected from taxes to help us out! While ALL your money comes from government contracts. YOU, sir, are a sick joke."

Lisa: “Let’s go back to Tim for a minute. Tim, when people are out of work what is the best way to put them back to work?”

Tim: “To create jobs, and to put money into the hands of the people who need it most and will spend it, thus creating demand for goods and services in the economy-creating more jobs.”

Lisa: “So the government should spend MORE to help families like Sharon’s, Juanita’s and Molina’s. When people are out of work, should the government borrow money in order to make sure people can get jobs, food, shelter and clothing?”

Tim: “Absolutely the government should do that, but we could find cost savings elsewhere, for example by cutting the Defense budget now that the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are pretty much done and that is the biggest part of the budget. We could balance the budget easily by getting money into poor peoples’ hands, putting people to work and slashing the Defense budget within 4 to 6 years and NO austerity measures such as has created the ongoing recession in Europe and the political riots in Greece and Spain would be necessary at all.”

Lisa: “Speaker DeLay, what did YOU do before becoming a professional politician.”

DeLay: “I was a lawyer.”

Lisa: “Do you have any training in economics at all?”

DeLay: “No, not really.”

Lisa: “But you know all about politics.”

DeLay: “Well… yes.”

Lisa: “You know, since you’ve been speaker Congress has passed fewer laws than any time in American history, and that even includes ceremonial laws like naming buildings. Did you know that Mr. DeLay?”

DeLay: “Well… yes.”

Lisa: “And each time you guys come up with another dramatic financial deadline with a horror movie sounding name like ‘Cliff’ or ‘Sequester’ that it clogs up the works in Congress again and prevents work on real legislation? Did you know that?

DeLay: “Well... sorta… yes.”

Lisa: “And of course you know that when you call a vacation no bills can be passed. So I think that as long as the President is from another political Party, you are going to gum up the works in Congress on purpose whether it hurts real people like my friends Molina, Sharon, Juanita and me! Your only goal as Speaker and your majority is to PREVENT laws from passing until you can beat the other party eventually for the Presidency. I know that you don’t know about economics, don’t care about economics, you only care about politics and helping out the uber rich folks that you’ve come to hang with. YOU, sir, are a remarkably orange-colored BUM!

I’m done! I’ve had enough of this conference. Come on Uncle UL and all my friends, you Congressmen and CEO’s can sit here and answer questions from the press now. I’m fed up with you guys!"

And me and Uncle UL

And Juanita, Sharon, Malina

And their families

We hugged and hugged.

The end once again.

But just for now.

Promise.

And don't forget to donate
to my favorite cause, the
 Louisiana Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals:
la-spca.org