Friday, November 30, 2012
TEXT OF LUNCH CONVERSATION BETWEEN MITT ROMNEY AND PRESIDENT OBAMA: AN UNABASHED EXCLUSIVE!
Mittens Romney arrived in a 4 x 4
NOT a Presidential Limo,
but he did ride inside
President Obama greeted his former opponent
by singing a few tunes, including his complete version of
"I'm So In Love With You"
Unabashed Left has obtained a transcript of the entire post-election lunch conversation which took place this week between President Barack Obama and his vanquished, egotistical, narcissistic failed former rival, Mitt Romney (thank you Jimmy Carter IV).
Contrary to published reports the luncheon menu was far different than identified by the mainstream media. The President enjoyed a shrimp cocktail appetizer, followed by twin 2 ½ pound stuffed and broiled lobsters, baked potatoes smothered in a sour cream and vegetable sauce, asparagus with hollandaise sauce, and a rich fresh and hot nutmeg crumble apple pie topped with vanilla ice cream for dessert. Recognizing the Hostess company bankruptcy and displacing 18,000 workers this week in a similar manner to the procedures of Bain Capital, Mr. Romney’s White House lunch consisted of a glass of water, a slice of Wonder Bread and a Twinkie for dessert.
Mr. Romney arrived INSIDE a 4 x 4 with no Secret Service protection, and was whisked in a back door where a photographer sneaked a photo which made it appear as though he was a well-dressed intruder on the White House grounds (again, thank you Jimmy Carter IV).
They met and dined in the Oval Office and after shaking (Mr. Romney was the one shaking) and then shaking hands, their comments included the following:
President Obama: Hi Mitt. How you doing? Been awhile…. I’ve been doing GREAT!
Romney: I’m ok.
President Obama: Just ok? Is something bothering you?
Romney: YEAH! Don’t you think I’d be just a bit pissed after November 6th?
President Obama: Sorry dude, one of us had to win. And remember after the second debate you said to me ‘May the better man win?” You DID get what you asked for.
Romney: Get outa here with that!
President Obama: How’s Ann?
Romney: Pissed off.
President Obama: And why is that, Mitt?
Romney: Because I lost. She’s blaming ME, of all things!
President Obama: What a crazy woman! Why on earth would she blame you for losing your election?
Romney: Ah! She says that with all the money poured in by the superpacs because of the Citizens United decision we bought, Karl Rove’s help, and the money and time she and I sunk into an EIGHT year campaign, the only explanation for me losing is that I have no personality, no principles and no scruples.
President Obama: Hmmmm… It seems like Ann has learned some profound lessons from the election, there, Mitt.
Romney: She says she’d divorce me now, except she doesn’t want to give up the quarter billion.
President Obama: Awwww. Michelle’s fine, thanks for asking Mitt. That’s you, always concerned about others. In fact, Michelle and I are VERY happy. We had a blast the night of the election, stayed up till 3am dancing to Al Green tunes!
Al Green at the Apollo:
"Let's Stay Together!"
Romney: It’s going to be a long time before Ann’s going to even want to be seen in public with me.
President Obama: Awwwww again. Listen, I have some presents for you which should cheer you up. Here’s a bumper sticker from the campaign: it’s one of those Obama/Made in the USA with my long-form birth certificates on it. And here’s a framed picture of Joe, Jill, Michelle and myself the night of my victory speech. And I also have for you an exclusive limited edition Presidential Seal Inauguration 2012 china plate for you, Mitt. By the way, how’s that Wonder Bread? Does it taste like it used to? Better enjoy it now, because Hostess is shutting down their shops and closing the doors on their workers. Sound familiar, Mitt?
Romney: I’m really kind of hungry. Do you think I can have one of those lobster tails at least, guy?
President Obama: No WAY! Eat your Twinkie! If you behave, I’ll have them grab you another Twinkie. BTW, how’s your dog. I hope you didn’t try to bring her onto the White House grounds riding on top of your 4 x 4. You’d have been nailed and broken out in handcuffs for sure.
Romney: She’s fine. I’m never going to take a dog on vacation with me AGAIN! Wow do people make a big deal out of stuff.
President Obama: I suppose if you crated me on top of a car and drove me at 80mph from Boston to Canada, with one stop to wipe the diarrhea off the car I spewed because I was so terrified, I’d make a big deal out of it too. Whenever anybody says ‘big deal’ now, I always think of that precious open mike moment when we were celebrating the passage of the Health Care Law and Joe said “This is a big f*cking deal, Mr. President!” That sure was funny, Mitt! So no ‘repeal and replace’ is going to happen now, huh Mitt?
Romney: I guess not. I suppose Paul Ryan will keep preaching that. One good thing about this campaign ending and losing is that I don’t have to hang around that nudnik anymore. WHAT a loser!
President Obama: Yeah. I heard that he was calling you names on his campaign bus, and would try to avoid your calls during the home stretch. Can’t say that I blame him, especially after Jimmy Carter’s grandson managed to get ahold of your famous 47% speech! LOL!
Romney: I wish that whole Carter family would just DISAPPEAR! I’m sick and tired of him. I’ll tell you what; I think I might be more pissed at that dude—the original Jimmy Carter—than even you or Newt Gingrich!
President Obama: Yeah, Newt did everything he could to try and sidetrack you. Hahaha! Your primary was a blast! I enjoyed every bit of it. Herman “999” Cain taking the lead over you! Donald “You’re fired” Trump leading you in the polls! Michelle “Twisted as a pretzel” Bachmann taking the early lead before Iowa! Rick “No sex” Santorum racking up primary victories! Rick Perry surging ahead in the polls and entering then exiting after proving his stupidity when he couldn’t remember the cabinet departments he wanted to wipe out! Yeah, you also ran a heck of a primary campaign too there, Mitt! LMAO. It sure was fun to watch two dozen debates on your side with a dozen folks all jockeying for position! I bet you had fun in the primary, too!
Romney: (inaudible, sounds like grunting). Hey, man, do you think I can get that other Twinkie now? And what about a glass of water?
President Obama: Sure. The Twinkie will be $1.00 and so will a bottle of water. So that’s $2.00 please.
Romney: WHAT DO YOU MEAN TWO DOLLARS!!?? I don’t carry cash or cards. C’mon, I’m thirsty as all heck from that bread and hungry as heck now.
President Obama: Well, Mitt, the Poland Springs water and that there Twinkie you want are owned by the White House, a federally owned and administered national landmark, and I know you wouldn’t want a free government handout! That’s for sure, right?
Romney: Can you just bill me for them??
President Obama: (wiping his chin as he swallows his last bite of apple crumb pie) Do you have an account with us, Mitt?
Romney: I think that’s enough lunch for me. I’m getting outa here. Is there a quick take out joint around here, I need something fast!
President Obama: (Hollers out) HEY JOE! ARE YOU AROUND?? (Picks up phone and presses button) Hey, is Joe nearby the Oval office? Great, send him over right away, Mitt’s here and needs some advice from Joe.
Vice President Joe Biden: Hey Mitt, how goes it dude?
Romney: Ask that guy (pointing at President Obama)! He can fill you in. Do you know a decent take out joint around here? All he gave me for lunch was a piece of Wonder Bread and a Twinkie.
Vice President Biden: He GAVE you the bread and the Twinkie? Isn’t that welfare, dude? ROFLMFAO!!!
Romney: Give me a break!!!
Vice President Biden: Well, if you head out Pennsylvania Avenue, just stay on it and eventually you’ll see a McDonald’s. They’re everywhere. I recommend the double quarter pounder with cheese, large fries and chocolate shakes!
Romney: Ok. I’m outa here.
Vice President Biden and President Obama: Good!
President Obama: Listen, Mitt. After all you’ve done to me and my administration for the last 6 years; I just am really concerned about your health and want to offer you a bit of health advice.
Romney: What’s that?
President Obama: Take a hike!