"They're Coming To Take Me Away HaHa"
Matt Liar: Good morning Mr. Left. An honor to meet you sir.
Unabashed Left: Hey man, what’s happenin’?
Matt Liar: I need to tell our MSM viewers that Mr. Left has agreed to answer our questions only provided that he has the opportunity to ask one question of his interviewer, ME, at the outset. So in the interest of fairness, in order to simply get this interview, viewers and advertising revenue for NBC Universal [listed on the New York Stock Exchange, and recently responsible for attempting to intimidate and forcing Keith Olbermann out of his job as a legitimate news commentator for solely political reasons], and in order to accomplish the self-aggrandizement which has been the hallmark of MY ‘career,’ Mr. Left: Your question, please?
Matt Liar: Well, since I am mandated to answer your question in order to proceed with this ratings-grabbing interview, Mr. Left, my head is firmly attached to my investment portfolio, sir. Now for the questions that matter, MINE. How did you come to achieve this masterpiece this morning?
Unabashed Left: Well, dude… it wuz exactamente like this. I was sittin’ trying to get caffeinated this a.m. with some generic store-brand French roast coffee (light cream, 1 ½ sugars in case you’re keeping score, and if any companies are interested, I’ll endorse any dairy company and say it was their cream and name any supermarket chain as the coffee I was drinking in exchange for a 7 to 10 figure financial remuneration—I AM in the market for endorsements). I grabbed me a magic marker and something round and started to trace and draw. Only one draft required, man! Came out great, dontcha think, Matt Liar-Man???
Matt Liar: And Mr. Left, what does this piece of art represent, sir?
Unabashed Left: What IS wrong with you, dude?? You don’t know what that is? It’s a tongue stickin’ out my friend. And look. Now I’m a doin’ it to you Mattman!
Matt Liar: And Mr. Left, what was your motivation for this wonderful sketch?
Unabashed Left: LINDA BLUEEYES, man!!! She’s this chick online who calls herself Linda BlueEyes. It’s aimed at HER, Man! She also calls herself the Rhode Island Liberal, dude, in case yer interested in a more positive I.D.! That lady sticks her tongue out at me all the time on Facebook.com unprovoked, man! She’s freakin’ brutal with that. Un-freaking-real that woman iz!! Outa the clear blue the other day she sends me a ‘private message’ ya know what I mean, dude?? I’m figurin’ maybe a fan letter, a compliment, or MAYBE an offer of cash or prizes, yaknow? Or possibly an invite to break bread or sumthing?? I open it and what do I see? It’s a freakin’ picture of a frog with its freakin’ tongue stickin’ out at me!!! I mean really dude! Even YOU can understand that diss, can’tcha Mattster???
Matt Liar: Yes, I certainly can see how one might take offense to a picture of that na….
Unabashed Left: Be quiet Matt-o-Mattic, I’m the one that’s s’posed to be talkin’ here! So gettin’ back to the story at hand. Ol’ BlueEyes sends this frog, right? And I tell her back sumthin’ like she’s an amphibian and mentionin’ primordial ooze and what-not, yaknow?? I mean ya gotta come to your own defense sometimes, Mr. Mainstream Floor-Matt—do ya get my drift?? ANYHOW… Where was I? I lost my train of thought. My sponsor used to say “Ya got a brain, not a train!” I recommend that particular sponsor to Charlie Sheen, by the way—he’ll yank that dude’s covers man, without hezzz-eee-ta-shunnn! You might just wanna look into his qualifications too there Matt-o-Centric, I think there’s a 12 step program for that! Wow, dude, now I’m really lost. Holy cow. Where the freak was I? Where am I? Why am I here?
Matt Liar: You were explaining your inspiration for your great work of art which you produced 4 hours ago, has been reported in the NY Times and all over the world as the pinnacle of human accomplishment, has been already nominated for the Pulitzer Prize, the Nobel Peace Prize and the Nobel Prizes for Economics, Medicine, Literature AND Physics, a Tony, an Emmy, an Oscar, has caused the U.S. Congress and President Obama to unanimously pass and sign a bill making your birthday a national holiday(‘Steve Day’-December 19th each year) and you’ve been on this show soliciting endorsements. You were saying that Linda BlueEyes sticks her tongue out at you and that is the inspiration for this work of fine art. Please continue, Mr. Left.
Unabashed Left: ENDORSEMENTS??? Wow, man. What an awesome concept! Did I think that one up or did you?
Matt Liar: It was you who mentioned endorsements first, Mr. Left.
Unabashed Left: Wow man! Pretty smooth on my part then, I do hafta say. :-D And I really DO need the cash Mattman! In case any Wall Streeters or Mad Av guys + gals are ‘a watchin’ I’ll endorse freakin’ ennything at this point. NOT weapons or ennything having remotely to do with the Defense Department, but otherwise everything else is on the table man, ya know what I mean? I want contracts like Michael Jordan had, like Tiger Woods had before he went south, yaknow???
Ennyhow, that BlueEyed chick, I sent her a photo of John McCain, Steven Colbert and some lizard--all stickin’ their tongues out at her simultaneously after she stuck hers out at me yesterday evenin’ man! I told her she wuz getting it from the left now AND from the right. AND I told her the lizard with the protruding licker looked like the photo of herself (the frog, man, LOL galore, man, ya know what I mean?) she sent me the other day. But she just wouldn’t end it there. I had somewheres to be and she just kept it up. She wanted the last word or icon, and had somewheres to be, too. She’s a woman, and she did fi-nly get that last word in, if’n’ya get my drift. So this morning I’m havin’ coffee, and inspiration hits and THIS fine product is the result. I’m gonna Matt that sucker and frame it in remembrance of Linda BlueEyes, the Rhode Island Liberal, as a token of the esteem of the Connecticut Unabashed Leftist liberal. Peace, man. And Matt, man, you’ve been on-camera for decades now. Unstiffen yourself, man, loosen up that spinal column, and lighten up. It’s about time. Ya ain’t even a Ken Doll ennymore, if’n ya ever wuz 1, so an I-beam spine looks even sillier now than it did when ya wuz 30 yearz old, dude! LOL, man! And dude, donate all your cash ‘Today’ to: la-spca.org, it’s a really gudd cause man! Peace...