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Tuesday, March 6, 2012

UNABASHED PREZ BIO: NEWT-A LIZARD OF A FRONTRUNNER

A sad country/western Cheatin' song
Newt =
A Lizard

This here's the curriculum vitae for Newt Gingrich, officially a candidate for President of the United States by (un)popular demand. And now the Republithief FRONTRUNNER of all things, which sez oodles about the status of that less than grand "party!" LMFHO (LAUGHING MY FOOL HEAD OFF!)!

Newt's had 3, count 'em, THREE wives thus far!
Not that any of them are the lizards that he is. Just a dramatization on a theme. It's sorta how he looks at women.

I think I have 'em all in the right order:

1) Wife Jackie--he went to her in the hospital while she had cancer to discuss his intent to divorce her.


2) Wife Marianne, don't they look happy. Not for long! She had recently been diagnosed with MS when he divorced her.


Someone Newt was cheating with for awhile.

3) Wife number Three, current wife, Calista. How doya keep track Mr. Speaker?



With wife #2 Newt tried to make his deadbeat Dad status 100% legally legit by going to court in order to avoid alimony and
child support. Newt is a "Family Values" candidate!
A man of virtue and upstanding moral character.
N O T !

*In some manner, Newton Leroy Gingrich emerged from an egg somehow June 17th 1943. Unfortunately in 1974, inspired by Richard Milhaus Nixon we can only suppose, "Newt" decided to run for Congress in Georgia. Fortunately the "Newtster" lost in 1974 AND 1976. The voters of Georgia's 6th Congressional district obviously knew their stuff back then!

*Selfish guy that he is, as well as persistent, patient and self-serving like the lizards from which he earned his nickname, "Newt" finally managed to con the 6th District into electing him in 1978. :(  His only notable acheivement before becoming House Speaker of all things was succeeding 'Dick'(those Republican 'Dicks' get us every time, don't they, just years prior we were stuck with a Republican 'Dick' of a President in Nixon) Cheney as Minority "Whip." Meanwhile he was 'whipping' the women in his life by declaring the moral equivalent of a private misogyny war in his relationships, a pattern that emerged early in his life and continues to this day.


"Neglectful" a song for Newt

*Newt commenced to cheating on his wives in his personal life. He chose this as a life pursuit, having evident animosity for half of man and womankind. Oh Heck. Having evident animosity for all of man and womankind, "Newt" deserves full credit.

*Newt conned the Republicans (not too hard, since the members of that same party had recently nominated a chimpanzee movie co-star to be president, AND a guy who had pardoned a criminal, and a criminal as their Presidential nominees) in the U.S. House to elect him Speaker. As Speaker his primary accomplishment was achieving the first American government shutdown because he wanted to get President Clinton mad.


*Newt, as Speaker did everything he could to stymie Democratic President Bill Clinton, including the government shut down. He even went so far as to arrange for Mr. Clinton's impeachment for the moral transgression of marital infidelity, even as "Newt" was himself engaging in a 6 year campaign of abusing his family and wife with marital infidelity, via a 6 year fling! What a guy! The August 28th 1998 Salon Newsreel quotes Newt's one-time mistress Anne Manning, who had an affair with the married Candidate Gingrich in 1977 as follows: "We had oral sex. He prefers that modus operendi because then he can say 'I never slept with her.'" She added that Gingrich threatened her: 'If you ever tell anybody about this I'll say you're lying.'"

*During Speaker "Newt's" term he was charged with 84 ethics violations. And, according to Wikipedia, "On January 21, 1997 the House voted 395 to 28 to reprimand Gingrich, including a $300,000 "cost assessment" to recoup the cost of the investigation. This was the first time in the House's history that a speaker had been disciplined for ethics violations." Thank YOU Speaker "Newt!" His own party pretty much ditched him as the leader of the House Republicans by 1999, and in 2000 he didn't even bother running for re-election to his own house seat.

*Newt laid low for a couple of months, but eventually got himself a contract as a talking head on Rupert Murdoch's Faux Newschannel, a right wing TV station that is a comedy channel lampooning the notion of "Fair and Balanced" journalism, joining colleagues such as alcoholic-without-a-program Glenn Beck, and elderly flirter Bill O'Reilley.


*Newt made news recently by explaining to Christian Broadcasting Network's David Brody why he cheats on his wives: "There's no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate."

*Not happy being just "one of" Faux News' stable of has-beens, he announced his latest gambit, a Presidential run this week. What a national treasure and hero, Newt Gingrich.

*Newt's moral qualifications for the office were well summed up this week by Talking Points Memo's Josh Marshall: "Let's remember, Newt famously dumped wife #1 for wife #2 while wife #1 was in the hospital recovering from cancer surgery...He eventually dumped wife #2 for wife #3 shortly after wife #2 was diagnosed with MS back in 1999. And he was having the affair on wife #2 with wife #3 while he was turning the country upside down trying to drive Bill Clinton from office for his affair with Monica Lewinsky."

Unabashed Left continues to Unabashedly and Unreservedly Endorse the re-election of our Awesome Incumbent President Barack Obama. Yes, We Can!






For all these reasons and more we continue to unreservedly endorse the re-election of our awesome incumbent President Barack Obama. The hit parade of Obama accomplishments in just 33 months in office:

1-A)  [Sorry the top ten list of accomplishments keeps getting bigger and bigger] Ending the reign of terror that was Muammar Qadaffi without the loss of a single U.S. troop.

1) Ending the reign of terror that was Osama Bin Laden.

2) Ending Don't Ask Don't Tell- The official Defense Department policy of legal discrimination against gay and lesbian heroes.

3) Negotiating and passing through the U.S. Senate the START treaty with Russia.

4) Passage of the highly successful $700 billion TARP bill.

5) Passage of the first-step Health Care Reform Act of 2010.

6) Removing 100,000 of our bravest and best from harm's way in Iraq and an end to the Cheney Administration-sponsored US aggression by December of this year.

7) Getting a $20 billion down payment from BP before the spill was even over.

8) Intimidating Tony "Wayward" Hayward into resigning as the immoral head of BP, taking a demotion and hiding out in Putin's Russia to avert prosecution by Attorney General Eric Holder.

9) Naming 2 women in a row to the U.S. Supreme court with brains.

10) Having a brain himself as President, post-George Dubya Bush.

11) Getting a debt ceiling bill passed despite the efforts of the reactionary ‘worst-ever’ U.S. Congress and the most incompetent U.S. House Speaker Tanman Boehner to stymie his every effort.

AND THE WINNING LINK TO DEFEAT THE LIKES OF PRETZEL CANDIDATE BACHMANN, WHICH-WAY-DO-I-TURN CANDIDATE ROMNEY, YET-ANOTHER-STUPID-TEXAS-GOVERNOR LIKE DUBYA BUSH EXCEPT PRO-SECESSION AND RENEWED CIVIL WAR ADVOCATE RICK PERRY OR BILLIONAIRE BILLIARD BALL PSEUDO-CANDIDATE HERMAN CAIN; AND TO RE-ELECT A GREAT GUY WITH REAL FAMILY VALUES IS:

2 comments:

Chicken Sock Puppet said...

"1) Wife Jackie--he went to her in the hospital while she had cancer to discuss his intent to divorce her."

Not even close. Maybe instead of calling yourself "Unabashed Left", you should stick with "Biased Left".

Steve Alexander aka Unabashed Left said...

Hi Puppet,

You righties just don't get it doya??? I've confessed to my left wing bias, in fact Unabashedly so. I'm a parody of the right wing tools (that would be the Faux News Channel and the NY Post, among others of his) of one percenter Rupert Murdoch which absurdly tries to couch itself in slogans such as "fair and balanced!" Ifya want fair and balanced, a website calling itself UNABASHED LEFT ain't the place Puppet. I've cited other specific sources which detail Cheater Newt's cancer ward visit to wifey numero uno to inform her of his divorce plans. You simply denied them offering no alternative story or sources. And by failing to deny all his other transgressions (I'm curious about that half million dollar line of jewelry credit, since posting this one, aren't you?) you obviously agree that he's committed each and every last one of 'em (including lowering the divorce boom on his wifey numero dos immediately after her brand new MS diagnosis)! Thanks! And, by the way I most definitely AM a lefty and PROUD of it. You call yourself a PUPPET, I couldn't agree more. Are you proud of your name? Have fun, and please, if you plan on divorcing somebody today, wait until a short while after a grave medical diagnosis before lowering the boom. ;o)