Sunday, March 11, 2012

Killer Meat Loaf (Sorry Vegan Friends)--The Unabashed CookBook


Killer Meat Loaf (Sorry Vegan Friends)
2 lbs. Ground Beef
1 lb. Ground Sausage
3 Eggs
One really big Onion
½ to 1 Cup Bread Crumbs
¼ Cup Mushrooms
¼ Cup Mozzarella
4 Tbsp. Parmesan Cheese
2 Tbsp. Hot Sauce
¼ to ½ Cup Ketchup
2 Tbsp. Oregano
1 Tbsp. Basil
2 Tsp. Garlic Powder
1-2 Tsp. Onion Powder
1 Tsp. Dry Mustard
½ Tsp. Celery Salt
1 Tbsp. Parsley
2 Tsp. Paprika
This here’s the latest in a series of recipes designed for folks like moi, who were stereotyped outa the kitchen growin’ up. I’ve compensated and now I’m savin’ yer ass just in case ya hafta cook. This here is meatloaf (in fact a whole meatloaf dinner, suitable for a carnivore date ifya need to) far better’n Mom ever dreamed of—complete with mozzarella and Parmesan. Go ahead, try and beat it! I dareya!
Ya gotta be prepared, in restaurants they call it prep work, I just call it avoiding kitchen katastrophe. First off, fire yer oven up to 400 degrees Fahrenheit or so (not Celsius, I think that would make the sucker as hot as a sunspot).  So make sure you chop your onion up real good beforehand.  Have a big bowl, and a metal pan (plastic is gonna result in one of those really embarrassing 911 situations where ya hafta explain yerself to yer local cops and firefighters), and a fork available along with a chef knife to chop stuff up with. Also yer gonna wanna make sure yer mushrooms are outa the box and chopped up, too (outa the box is a definite plus!). Have all the stuff outa the fridge, so’s ya don’t have to go searchin’ in the middle of yer project. It also helps to have yer seasonings out too, cuz there ain’t nuthin’ worse than trying to find an essential tiny one inch box or jar when ya really need it! OMG is that cuss time big-time! And, yaknow these are just my today’s preferences fer what to throw into me meatloaf, on any given day ya can throw whatever meets yer own particular fancy into yer meatloaf! I’d avoid chocolate chips, vanilla extract and tuna. Otherwise most stuff is perty fair game here.
So, really all ya gotta do once yer onion’s all chopped and the mushrooms, too, is throw the Hamburg and sausage into a big bowl. If the bowl’s too small, yer gonna cuss, I’m a warnin’ya. Better to err on the big side, than on the small side, even though it seems a lot easier to wash smaller bowls. I promise ya! So throw the meat, the onion and the three eggs in altogether and mix ‘em all up. Some folks use their hands. GROSS! And a waste of time, cuz ya wind up havin’ to wash yer hands all the time. Forks work really well with mixin’ meatloaf. That’s right, just regular dinner forks. Nuthin’ finer as far as a tool goes here! So, once you got them all mixed up, throw in a bunch ‘o ketchup, hot sauce all yer seasonings and some bread crumbs and mix it up even more!

When the meat seems moist and like the kinda consistency of play dough, cram the whole thing tight down into yer bowl. I recommend linin’ yer pan with tin foil to make washin’ the darned thing afterwards a lot easier. I also recommend pouring some veggie oil into the bottom of the pan and wiping it with a paper towel, kinda like yer painting a wall or sumthin! Then just turn the bowl with the compacted meat upside down over the greased pan. Force that lump ‘o meat onto yer pan and then shape the darned thing into a nice loaf shape. Spread some more ketchup on top to make her look good, and then throw some ‘o them tasty mushrooms on top of the whole thing to look AND taste good.

Now throw yer meatloaf into the 400 Fahrenheit oven and fire that bad boy up until done. Your guess is as good as mine depending on how you shaped yer loaf, but usually 45 minutes to an hour should be more’n adequate.
Take that sucker out and enjoy!

Baked ‘Taters With Sour Cream
Baking Potatoes-2
Sour Cream
Veggie oil
The beauty of baked potatoes in this here situation is the fact that no additional cooking is involved. All ya gotta do is wash yer taters. VERY important, cuz these suckers grow in the ground and even when ya buy ‘em at Stop and Shop they’re filthy. I mean FILTHY! So wash ‘em good is my advice! Ya gotta stab ‘em too a few times with a fork so’s they don’t explode in the oven. Kitchen explosions suk. I promise. Then pour some ‘o the veggie oil onto yer hands and grease the darned spuds up like a hog and then wrap ‘em in tin foil and just toss ‘em into the oven when ya throw yer meatloaf in. When the meatloaf ‘s done, chances are yer taters’ll be perfect too. I highly recommend sour cream, don’t be afraid, the stuff’s really good on baked taters. : )

Stir Fried Veggies
1 Cup Snow Peas
One Onion
2 Cups Broccoli Tops
A couple 'o Tbsps. Veggie Oil
This may seem scary but its not! Use a wok ifya got one or a regular frying pan ifya don't and heat it up perty darned hot wit' the veggie oil in it. Have a top available to cover the pan or wok (speeds things up, not official Chinese style, but it works fer me, and I’m the chef here). Just toss yer veggies into whatever style pan ya got, act like the guys at the Chinese take-out places and stir them veggies up like nobody’s business, then throw some soy sauce in there and toss ‘em around a bit more. If yer feelin’ adventurous toss some seasonings in there, too. Ginger, garlic, curry, pepper, mustard-a whole bunch ‘o stuff goes good in there. Again, I advise against chocolate chips in this particular circumstance. Crumbled Heath Bar is also VERY inadvisable here! 

Now Chow. : )

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